My mentor likes to say, that we are in the leadership business.
In this aspect, I think it is really a tough business to be in.. especially if you are not ready for the leadership role and would much rather play either a dependent, or a victim. While it is quite fun because it is challenging, it is also tough because leaders are usually targets of authority conflicts and attacks.
So since we are in the leadership business, this happens to us alot more often than it happens to an average person I feel.. (unless they happen to be a mummy)
And it is true, as leaders, we are crap attractors.. tat's what my mentor will say.. we will attract a whole lot of crap and people will just overwhelm us with all their crappy problems... most are not even genuine problems but just "zzzzzzzzzzz......zzzzzzzz..." *sound of the fly* complains...
Some people show you attitude like you owe them for your living... some just dun want to listen to you and like to do the exact opp of what you ask them to... some, no matter how you cheer them on, just choose to give up anyway... worst still, when some give up or if they meet a problem, it is always your fault..
If you are a mother, you aren't new to these things I guesss.. hahaha... most mothers will encounter times where their children show them attitude.. when their children want to rebel against them... when their children dun want to do what they ask them to and choose to give up (Ace likes to say, "I don't know how to do, I dun want to do..." )... and of cos, all children blame their parents for one thing or another at some point in their life.
But the beautiful part of this is that because you are not new to all these as a mother, really, if what you apply to your children works, it works when you are leading a team as well :) I believe everyone is a child a heart! haha.. Because adults and children are alike anyway... the only thing is that children are a little bit more inconsistent :)
Here are some things that I find useful in motherhood.. and leadership as well...
- Explaining why you do something.
It gives your child/group a higher chance of understanding it and following through cos they now see why this is important. - Sending them love.
Whenever your child throws a tantrum, say that they dun like you, it is because they are asking for help. So when your group throws a tantrum, blame you for everything that has happened to them, say you suck as a leader... it is also because they are asking for your help, and the only way to help them, is to send them love... - Lead by example ;)
Children don't follow what you say, they follow what you do. Likewise, your group does not follow what you say, they follow what you do:) That doesn't mean you have to be perfect, just dun expect them to do what you are NOT WILLING to do :) - Have a big heart; forgive forgive forgive
When we have a big heart and forgive our children for all the things they have done wrong.. it helps them to learn their mistake and it helps us learn our mistakes.. likewise the same goes for a group. The end result is we become better mothers and leaders. - Talk to them alot.. COMMUNICATE
Just like it is impt to communicate with your children and spend time with them to let them know how you feel, to understand how they feel and to make them feel like they are important, it is impt to do the same for your group... - Be generous with PRAISE.
Remember how your boy's eyes lit up when you told him he was a good boy or a clever boy or that he is very strong because he could do this and that and how they would do it again and again and again and again just to hear you repeat the praise? Your group would do it again too.... if you are as generous about your praise towards them for their little achievements :) - Be their best friends
Remember, the furthur you are away from your group, the more you are putting yourself in the position where authority conflict occurs. When that happens, they will always do the opposite of what you ask them to do. Likewise, the same when it comes to children. And remember, to be their best friends, it means you are willing to focus on their good points, overlook their bad points and still love them anyway just the way they are... - Expand their dreams
Your child experiences the world through you. They don't know how big and how beautiful this world is, until you show them. They don't know how to lead their lives and what to do.. until you show them. They have unlimitless imagination and usually have big dreams.. unless you confine them and keep telling them what they cannot do. As mothers, it is natural to paint a beautiful picture of the future for your child so that he will strive to improve himself. The same holds true for your group. A small leader can never inspire or mould big dreams because he will never be able to contain them!
No wonder that in recent years, more and more women are taking up leadership positions in the corporate and political world.. hahaha ;)
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